Its been a while since I last wrote. Now I’m becoming a hero. Everybody needs to be one.

My family look up at me because I’m a family member. There’s no such thing as a blacksheep in a family. And my success is my family’s pride.

So becoming a hero needs a lot of work. Planning, hardwork and prayer is a must. And the first step is to actually make the decision to be one. I’m learning this through the hardway. The key is to decide.

Then I shall prioritize accordingly. First thing first. Then I should expand my circle of influence. Increasing the things I can take control of and contribute to the end result that I have planned. Then I make my prayer day and night.

So, are we all becoming heroes? Up to thyself.

In anything you do, it’s the result that matters.

Now on, I’ll re-do and make good out of it.

Will have to sacrifice a lot to achieve it. Will stick to it until succeed.

I’ll do things as to the requirements.

Today is a frustrating day.

Bye Diary.

I can drive this daddy.

Start the engine and watch me roll !!

LETS GO ! ! !

Dear Diary,

I wake up at 6am.
Get me & my son ready.
Off to work at 6.50am.
Drop my son at nursery by 7.30am.
Head to office to reach by 8.30am.
Have lunch at 1.00pm.
Off to fetch my son at 5.30pm.
Be at nursery at 7.30pm.
Arrive home at 7.45pm.
Usrah or meeting usually starts at 9.00pm.
11.30pm head for home.
12.00pm arrive and go to bed.

Now to add some constraints to calculate it precisely,
1. My wife is a doctor. Now in O&G. She does on call EAD. That is every alternate day. In time, she works on Monday 7am to 7pm. Then on Tuesday she’ll be on call 7am to 7pm Wednesday. And that Wednesday, consider she’s not at home as she’ll be sleeping post call to prepare for Thursday. And she’ll be on call again Friday. That means, in a week, my wife will be at home during the night for only 3 nights.
2. Nursery don’ t operate for overnight stay.
3. Parents and in-laws live >250km away.
4. My son is 11 months old. He drinks milk every 2 hours or so. He can’t eat like adult nor drink the usual milk. It has to be infant milk. So must bring hot water and warm water with milk powder and bottles accordingly if going out.

So, continue the calulation with the said constraints,

I baby sit my son 4 nights in a week alone by myself.
I will wake up 2 times every night when I baby sit him. So minus 30 minutes of my night sleep.

Weekends when my wife is on call, I baby sit my son too, alone.

When going out, the said set for my son shall be prepared. Not forgetting, I live on the 4th floor and he is 11kg and no lifts.

So, in the end, the calculations give us:

2 hours driving to work.
8 hours of work.
2 hours driving home.
20 minutes drive to usrah/meeting.
2-1/2 hours usrah/meeting(lucky if its that short)
20 minutes driving home
5-1/2 hours sleep.

15-1/6 hours awake driving, working, tarbiyah/dakwah(note how short you have for tarbiyyah and dakwah!!).
5-1/2 hours sleep.

Left with 3-1/3 hours for spending time with son & wife or go to shop or do housechores. Don’t forget, you can’t just leave your house get messier day in day out and your wife is just much busier and tiring with work than you are.

Also:
1. Be fit if your wife is a doctor.
2. Think and weigh before settling down anywhere.
3. You can’t move as fast as other husband-of-8-to-5-wife.
4. Less time for reading.
5. Missing a lot of jamaah prayer at the masjid.
6. Should think of moving out of KL or at least move closer to your office.

Dear diary,

It’s been a while. I just got my Android. But still it won’t help ease my tension.

Somehow this keeping for too long is causing me to creep. Probably an internal crack is developing.

I tried to pretend but its not helping. Because it’s not the cure.

I’m having my time with my son for a while.

Without the internet.

Some things are better not be yours as they would simply be a burden to you.

Diary, there’s more to life than just work. There’s more to life than just play. There’s more to life than just money.

There’s death to life. There’s life after death. There’s good deeds to life. And a lot more.

What do you wish in life?

Yesterday I read an entry. A question raised by the author: What’s your 80% of work life is going to be? Just work? Or you think you can mingle it with da’wah? Answer this honestly.

And I end my scribbles here. Because it’s hard for me to answer it.

So be it SapuraCrest or Shell or Sony, if it’s not mine, it’s not the best for me.

Please, strike me.
Please, hit me.
Please, give me the picture
So I may believe,
Or else to make believe.
I’m not fake and beautiful.

Less the sugar in life,
So you may find honey afterlife.
Less the hassle for your shut off,
And take the less trodden and not take off.
Oh my, I’m dumb strike to strive.

Please all, don’t let me have any chance,To sit still and to rhyme.
Pull the hat off me and deliver the sun,
And throw the heat, harshly, harsh me.
Let the devil run and angels done.
O please kill the lazy soul inside.

Please, strike me.
Please, hit me.
Please, give me the picture
So I may believe,
Or else make believe.
I’m not fake and beautiful.

It’s been a while. I’m adapting to a change. A minor one. I hope everyone still comes around.

I heard a song while scanning through the radio just now. It sings:

Do you know what’s worth fighting for?
When it’s not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away?
And you feel yourself suffocating

Does the pain pay out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?

and then I don’t get what it says anymore. I recall the voice, Billy Joe.

One thing about these american artists, they keep to their style till they arrive in hell.

My ex-HOD always brag about how the americans reached the sky and blah3. He always say: Delve into something until you’re the king of it. Like the americans.

But looking at the words, it made me wonder, do you know what’s worth fighting for? How many of those listeners & fans would really wonder what’s worth fighting for and when not to die for it?

I believe this song makes no sense to his fans. Because the lyrics are of no big use compared to the rhythm/music and the dressings.

Ramadhan is coming. And life is ending. Do you know what’s worth fighting for?

Me: To wake up every night and qiyam. I’ll fight for this this year.

I sent my resignation letter today. And they are not that happy. And yes, it meets my expectation.

I was told I’ll be on probation for six months. But I was not evaluated even after six months and three weeks.

Nothing has happened yet. And if I were to stay on, it’ll be as that for years.

My colleague was left under probation for 2 years. And still, he’s under probation. Maybe he’s a serial killer. I said, maybe.

For the past six months, 4 people went off. And for the past twelve months, 6 people altogether.

And yet, I’m adding to the count. I’m not after money. I’m avoiding that devastation, now.

May Allah guides me with this new job. May Allah guides my path and my decision.

May they be enlightened.

Good etching Diary. A good one indeed.

Abu ‘Umar
08072010, 22:16.